What do you do when you’re at a fork in the road? When you have to make a decision about something that will change your world as you know it? It’s true that every decision you make will affect your life in one way or another, but I’m not talking about regular daily decisions. I’m talking about a decision that will immediately change your life as you know it.
That’s exactly what I went through a few years ago.
The Starting Line
In July 2021 I had the sense God had more in store for me. I’m not talking monetarily. I’m talking about something on a deeper level. He had plans for me outside of what I was doing. Plans that would change the course of my life forever. I’ve always been very black-and-white. So, when God asked me to change direction and I said yes, He began changing things inside of me I didn’t know needed to be changed. I’ve always been the type of person who if I make up my mind about something, I will persevere to achieve my goal. And if necessary, I will make sure everything inside me changes too. When I’m all in – I’m all in.
Fully surrender to His call. This wasn’t an overnight process; not even a few months. Over the course of 2 years, God worked in me continually in preparation for what He called me to do. I began seeing changes inside of myself that I didn’t know I needed. God opened up my eyes to see places inside of me that had been broken and He was the only one who could heal me. As I began to surrender, it became real.
The Process
Psalm 51:8 says, “Let me hear joy and gladness; let the bones you have crushed rejoice.”
What an interesting verse! I never thought about the meaning of this verse before today. Our dear friend, Josiah, spoke on this today and really explained what it meant. And WOW – I must share what he said because it’s exactly what happened to me. As many of us know, David was a shepherd. I learned today that if a sheep breaks their leg, they will continue walking on that leg. If the leg hasn’t been wrapped correctly allowing the bone to heal back up in its correct position, the chances of the bone healing incorrectly are quite probable. So as any good shepherd that cares for their sheep – once they see a sheep going through this, they have to break the bone again and wrap it up so it heals correctly.
Our heavenly Father is our good shepherd. He sees any brokenness we have experienced. And when we try to heal ourselves “the world’s way” we may look for things to help cope with the pain. But the pain never truly heals. It stays buried deep down. We may do our best to hide the pain – even to the point of forgetting it. But is it gone? I can attest that in my life it was not gone. It was hidden. Have you ever been in a situation where you react in a way outside of your character? I have. That’s when I would stop to ask myself what “triggered” me and why did I just react that way?
Growing up I faced a lot of insecurities. Kids made fun of me for being overweight or being “different”. I was homeschooled, so I blamed it on my lack of social skills. But the truth is – God made me different. I knew around 4 years old that I needed Jesus in my heart. I can remember sensing His peace at that age. All I wanted to do was sing. I was such a happy child. My mom told me stories about doctors thinking there was something wrong with me as a baby because I would laugh and smile so much during my visits, they didn’t understand why I was acting that way. There had always been a joy overflowing in my spirit that wanted to be released.
Fast forward some time, I knew I wanted the baptism of the Holy Spirit at the age of 8. I had a desire for more of God that could not be tamed.
But something changed…
By the time I was 13 years old, I started making bad decisions. I wanted to “fit in”. Something I had never felt before. I wanted to be accepted, even though God already accepted me. I had a great relationship with my cousin – we hung out all the time at church. There was no reason for me to long for approval, but there I was wanting other people to validate me.
Over the course of the next 10 years, I made bad decision after bad decision. There was an internal strain where I wanted to do right but my flesh desired to do what the world was doing. Now, not all of it was bad. I still sensed God’s presence in my life. Looking back I can see His hand directing my steps, putting me on the path I needed to be to get where He needed me to go. And even though I made mistakes along the way, He is faithful. Psalm 51:9-10 “Hide your face from my sins and blot out all my iniquity. Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.”
I will continue my journey in my next post… But why am I saying all of this? I’m hopeful that my story will inspire you to re-position your feet. If you desire more of His joy, His peace, or His presence in your life – He’s one step away. I challenge you to take one step in His direction. Maybe put something down – your phone or pause your favorite TV program and decide you’re going to spend more time with Him today. I promise you, as you take steps in His direction, your life will never be the same.