That’s a question that only you can ask Him. Sure, there are people that may prophesy over you which could point you in the right direction, but only He can answer that question.
For me, I didn’t know why I was here until I fully surrendered to Him.
As a young girl, I had an encounter with God that changed my life forever. I was 8 or 9 years old when I had the desire to seek the baptism in the Holy Spirit. It was during a church service on a Thursday night, and I told God I would not leave that building until I got filled. I was very serious about this free gift. I wanted more of God, and nothing was going to stand in my way.
Shortly after that, I had a picture pop into my mind of young children that need a mom. I could tell by their expressions they needed God’s love, comfort, food, shelter, and someone to love them. And I wanted to be that someone. I wanted to become a mom to every child that needed me. I would see that picture in my mind time and again over the next couple of years.
But I took my eyes off of Him…
Here’s when my life started going a different way. When I was almost 14 years old, I wanted to feel like I fit in with the people that I started going to school with. Unfortunately, these people led me down a road where I could easily make wrong choices. When I turned 14, I got my first boyfriend. That’s when I started to spiral out of control.
My parents didn’t know, but I was becoming someone I never thought I would be. Several years later I found myself at parties, drinking underage, partaking in substances that shouldn’t be in my body, and having relations I should have never sought after.
It was a dark time in my life, but He was still there.
I felt His presence every so often. I knew He was there. He revealed Himself to me three times in such a powerful way, I couldn’t deny it.
Starting at the age of 19 – He started knocking at the door of my heart because He wanted me back. The truth is, He never wanted me to leave. Being that I have free will, He didn’t stop me when I left. But He didn’t let me get too far.
The Times He “Wooed” Me Back
When I was 19 years old, I was working at a restaurant surrounded by people who were full of His love as well as people that didn’t want a relationship with Him. Because I was still in a dark place in my life, I gravitated toward people who weren’t a very good influence on me. But that didn’t stop Him.
One evening while I was working, a hostess walked up to me, pulled me aside, and poured His love out on me. She said that God missed me, and He wants me back. I felt His presence so strong at that moment I broke down in tears until I was sobbing crying. Even though I was at work, He pulled on my heartstrings so hard I couldn’t get back to my tables until I pulled myself together, but that didn’t matter. I just had an encounter with Him, and it was beautiful.
Another time at the same restaurant I was waiting on a family. A grandmother was taking her daughter and granddaughter out to lunch that day. It seemed like a normal day, a normal shift, normal everything. Until it wasn’t. That grandmother looked at me and handed me a ring. It was a 14k gold ring with an emerald heart surrounded by small diamonds. Wait… what? Why did she just hand me this? She said, “God wanted me to give this to you.”
I was in shock. I accepted the ring and said thank you, but I had so many questions. When I went back to the table, I asked her “Why did God tell you to give this to me?” She said she didn’t know, but she knew He asked her to. I thanked her again and walked away still in a state of confusion.
Little did she know, I have always loved hearts, I would see them “everywhere” – on sidewalks, in the shape of rocks, and in other natural patterns. Those diamonds that surrounded the heart reminded me of the stars – another thing I love. To put the two together meant a lot to me.
I’m so glad she was obedient that night. She has no idea how that impacted me.
So far… these two separate encounters had a huge impact on me… but I still wasn’t budging yet. Sheesh… I was stubborn.
The third time…
The third encounter was the last encounter I needed to start my journey back to Him. Although it didn’t happen overnight, it put me on the path that led me to Him.
One evening I was hanging out with a friend on his porch, and we were looking at the stars. I loved watching for shooting stars, I still do. While we were star gazing, I saw a shooting star, two actually in the shape of a cross. It’s as if God drew a cross in the heavens. The first one went from top to bottom and the second went from left to right – in the same place in the sky within moments of each other. And that’s EXACTLY how I would have drawn a cross.
That was the final straw. After that, I began to surrender. And that’s when He started putting my feet on the right path.
Don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t easy. The enemy tried to pull me back several times. He almost succeeded too. But God.
Eventually, I changed career paths, leaving the restaurant industry. I applied at several places and got two job offers – one at a gym and one at the natural food store. They both offered management positions, but the job at the gym paid a lot more. That’s the one I should have picked, right? But I felt something different in my spirit. I knew I was supposed to choose the natural food store.
Even though I didn’t have all the puzzle pieces in front of me, I was familiar with the leading of the Holy Spirit. He’s the one that led me to Oklahoma in the first place.
So, I went with His direction and accepted the position at the natural food store. And I’m so thankful that I listened – that’s the place where I met my husband.
Fast forward 3 years, I changed jobs and found myself working at an insurance brokerage. I began building my career – started as an Account Administrator and built up to an Account Executive during my time there. That job taught me a lot about the corporate world and various skills I would use later.
In 2020, while I was still working there I came to the realization that I was not happy, and I needed a change. The thought to leave that job weighed on me heavily. I liked my financial situation and the ability to work from home. However, I was working 45-50 hours a week and felt like the weight of the world was on my chest. I was on anxiety medication and my marriage started feeling the effects of the stress I was under.
That’s When I Knew I Needed a Change
But what? Should I switch positions? Should I go to another employer? I started building that career in that industry. I learned a type of insurance that a lot of people do not know how to manage… I had aspirations and goals. But that wasn’t God’s plan for me – that was certain.
One night in July 2020 I was praying and felt strongly that I needed to quit that job and find the path God had for me. That’s when it all started to change. That’s when God started to reveal His plan for me one step at a time.
In conclusion
I know this post was long, but I wanted to express that I understand. Whether you’ve gone through a season you’re not proud of, or you had a life-altering decision you needed to make – I’ve been there. And it’s hard. I know it’s hard. But I can promise you – one step in His direction is worth it.
Now that I’m here I can wholeheartedly tell you that I wouldn’t have changed my decision to seek His plan for me. The only thing I would have changed is I would have made my decision to pursue His path for me much sooner.